


Everything and Nothing

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Insecurity, M/M, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-06 05:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Artie lay in bed together and thing about what they lack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything and Nothing

            Artie lies on his bed facing Sam.  They’re having a “sleep over” which means sex then cuddling after.  Even as Artie revels in Sam’s soft touches across his body, the same refrain pounds through his head as always:  “When is Sam going to leave me?”

            Artie had resigned himself to his fate, in a way. He’s everyone’s temporary boyfriend.  He is Adequate Artie. It’ alright to put up with Artie for a little bit, but eventually everyone finds someone better, someone more whole to be with. Tina found Mike the dancer.  She isn’t held back by Artie anymore.  Of course, Brittany is a dancer at her core, so of course she would need someone she could dance with.  They both deserve people who can take care of them and who aren’t twisted inside like he is. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself.

            Sam does too, of course.  He’s Sam Evans, the super jock with the heart of pure gold.  All the girls at the school drool over him, and Artie knows that he’s more convenient than anything else. Not that Sam wants a girl, but as soon as they graduate, Artie won’t be his only choice.  With Kurt taken by Blaine, and Artie being the only other queer boy around, Sam has to be with Artie or else be alone.  Half a partner is better than being alone. 

            Artie just wishes these feelings would go away.  Being Adequate Artie would hurt less if he just stopped developing these feelings.  It isn’t Sam’s fault.  He knows Sam doesn’t even realize yet what he’s going to do.  Sam thinks that all the inconveniences that come with being Artie’s boyfriend aren’t going to bother him in the long run, but they will.  Sam will realize that he wants someone he can go running with, someone who doesn’t have to hunt down elevators and ramps to get around, and someone who isn’t going to hold him back.  That’s what Artie does. He holds people back, and Artie shouldn’t be stupid enough to develop feelings for them. 

            As Artie looks into Sam’s eyes, however, he knows that he can’t help falling for Sam.  They’re so full of warmth that they warm Artie for a little bit.  Artie wishes they could lay together just like this forever because no matter how much he tries to prepare himself for it, Artie knows that he’s going to miss this when Sam finds his better person.  Artie closes his eyes to fight off the terror and the tears as he thinks about how he’s going to be all alone again.  Without opening his eyes, he leans in to kiss Sam softly before turning around.  He presses himself back into Sam and Sam wraps his arms around him.  Until the sun rises, Artie lays in Sam’s embrace going back and forth between loving the feel of it and counting all of his own faults that are going to eventually drive Sam away into the arms of someone better.  Artie loses count around 45 or so. 

            Sam doesn’t kid himself into thinking he can keep Artie’s attention forever.  Artie’s some kind of super smart genius who is going to do amazing things.  There’s no way Sam can keep the attention of someone like that for too long.  He’s just Sam.  He’s plain and boring and not very smart. 

            Artie is kind and talented.  When he does change the world, Artie’s going to help people.  He isn’t going to be selfish and stuck up and keep everything he has.  He’s going to go out and give it to people who need it.  That’s just the kind of person Artie is. 

            He’s already started; Artie spends hours helping Sam with his homework.  He also takes his time to read over every essay Sam does to make sure that everything meets the teachers’ standards.  It certainly isn’t anything Artie has to do, even as his boyfriend.  Artie never complains and never berates Sam, no matter how many times Sam can’t remember something simple.

            Sam wishes he could be everything Artie deserves.  He can’t be though.  Artie deserves someone intelligent, not someone hovering between failing and decent in all of his classes.  Sam tries to maintain his body as best he can, but he knows that no matter how hard he works, he’s going to lose and become even uglier eventually.  If he keeps working out, however, maybe he can at least be attractive enough for now.  He can try to give Artie that, at least.

            It isn’t like there’s much else Sam can give him.  Even though his family is doing much better now, Sam still doesn’t have enough money to take Artie on nice dates.  He deserves more than a couple movies and some trips to Breadstix, but Artie never says, even passive-aggressively, that he deserves better.  In a way, that gives Sam some relief; he doesn’t want to have to admit aloud that he’s so inadequate. 

            When Artie closes his eyes, Sam keeps touching him softly.  He knows he won’t ever get tired of this.  Not only is Artie beautiful on the inside, but he’s also incredibly beautiful on the outside.  Sam caresses Artie’s muscular arm and runs his fingers lightly up Artie’s stomach and chest.  He brushes Artie’s collarbone before gently rubbing the brunette’s shoulder with his thumb.

            Sam is surprised when Artie kisses him, and he sighs softly into the kiss.  Artie’s lips are soft and full without being trouty mouth full.  When Artie turns his back, Sam pulls him close.  Sam knows his time is limited; he wants to make the most of every little second he has with Artie. 

            From the rise and fall of Artie’s chest Sam knows they’re both lying awake.  A part of him wants to ask Artie what he’s thinking about, but something stops him.  A bigger part of him wants to ask Artie if he’s honestly happy with Sam as his boyfriend.  Sam knows exactly what keeps him from asking that; he’s scared that Artie will say no and kick him out of both his bed and his life. 

            As Sam tries to fall asleep, he tries to think of reasons why Artie would stay with him.  He can’t think of a single thing. 


End file.
